Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You can't motorboat a personality
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
