You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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