He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
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I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
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I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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