taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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