something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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