I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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