Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
