Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
