can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
