i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
