all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
