EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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