im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
