official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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