It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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