You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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