brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
