he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
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he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
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Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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