Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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