They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
