I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
