Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You left your phone here
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