Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
