I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
