I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
