I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
