I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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