Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
it hurts more in the daytime
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
