but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
