apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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