I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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