my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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