i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He felt like a one man threesome
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
