from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
