I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
