why didn't you poke me back
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
