How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
