I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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