this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
