is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
