she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
