I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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