my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
