"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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