Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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