I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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