My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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