Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
