Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
