just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
