so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
