I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
