Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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