I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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