you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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