I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
