I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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