Texts From Last Night

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  (916): View more from California

  Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice

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  (916): Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice http://tfl.nu/ob9j
  Replies (76) Good night (2649) Bad night (1494) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.

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  (978): I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b. http://tfl.nu/o2b7
  Replies (33) Good night (2323) Bad night (1378) Order T-Shirt
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society

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  (202): i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society http://tfl.nu/5vfp
  Replies (55) Good night (794) Bad night (3855)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid

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  (832): and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid http://tfl.nu/8ij1
  Replies (44) Good night (665) Bad night (3318) Order T-Shirt
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own

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  (864): i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own http://tfl.nu/koat
  Replies (13) Good night (598) Bad night (3926) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.

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  (617): When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner. http://tfl.nu/g7ai
  Replies (5) Good night (6015) Bad night (1205) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.

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  (404): What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs. http://tfl.nu/w7nv
  Replies (18) Good night (4413) Bad night (1026) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.

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  (404): and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this. http://tfl.nu/r1ft
  Replies (14) Good night (921) Bad night (2771) Order T-Shirt
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters

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  (765): just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters http://tfl.nu/51nh
  Replies (8) Good night (2804) Bad night (2048) Order T-Shirt
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I feel like everything in this room is sweating

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  (506): I feel like everything in this room is sweating http://tfl.nu/iaml
  Replies (2) Good night (644) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.

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  (202): there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/ma3l
  Replies (5) Good night (1875) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.

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  (814): you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door. http://tfl.nu/6ofj
  Replies (19) Good night (6152) Bad night (779)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.

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  (843): You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you. http://tfl.nu/p8ms
  Replies (2) Good night (419) Bad night (1459) Order T-Shirt
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.

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  (719): I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in. http://tfl.nu/k5k2
  Replies (11) Good night (2144) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.

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  (334): As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream. http://tfl.nu/b74h
  Replies (3) Good night (527) Bad night (140) Order T-Shirt

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