im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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