if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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