i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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