You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
