Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
COCAINE IS GR8
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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