Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
