did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
